Thank You… Lilly Hope Lucario for writing this “Things To Stop Doing”
I learned that most Victim or Survivors of Domestic Abuse have lost most or all of their family and friends by the time they leave their abuser….
When I did talk to family or friends who have not been abused by someone they love they “did not” understand why I went back to my husband….I was asked by many people “Why are you sad”? Then they would say “He hurts you…how could you miss someone who has hurt you?Some even told me I deserved it because I talked to him again…
.It was not until I was living at a Safe House with people trained in the area of Domestic Abuse and other women who had survived Domestic Abuse that I found supportive understanding for the healing process I was just beginning….
I learned that the grief Victims & Survivor’s of Domestic Abuse go through is know as “Dis-Enfranchised Grief. “Dis-Enfranchised Grief” is a grief that is “Not Socially Accepted To Grieve”. Not having emotional support from the people we love just adds something else we have to grieve.
Not having family or friends to emotionally support me is possibly one of the reasons I went back so many times….and another reason is that I have loved him since I was sixteen and truly wanted him to get help and adore me from that moment on….but even with loving him like I did it would have been easier to leave if I had emotional support….I did not have many calls except from him….He would call every few minutes crying saying he is sorry and he would promise he would get help…and that he loves me so and needs his wife….he seriously would call over and over and over….sometimes he would go to a psychiatric unit and get his medication leveled out….but over time he would not take his medicine and would drink again which would begin bulling and abusing me….
Please do not put your safety at risk by spending time with your loved one who is victim….but once a VPO is in order of a court of law and you are safe I hope you will reconsider….I promise your loved one will heal faster with support….I have many National Hotline Resources if your loved one needs help for in other areas….our family does….
Becky ~ Domestic Abuse Survivor & Friend